vice president

Mike Pence named new head of Trump University!

At long last, and after much pleading, Vice President Mike Pence has finally been given something to do by President Trump.

Vice President Mike Pence, who has never actually been in the loop on anything going on in the White House, much less had anything to do, was named by President Trump to head his revamped Trump University. “I am honored to finally be placed in a position of trust,” said Pence. “Trump University has apparently had a long tradition of academic excellence and value. The President tells me thousands of graduates of TU have gone on to make billions and billions of dollars in real estate in this country, and more importantly, in overseas countries like Russia, China and Turkey. As head of Trump University, I pledge to expand its offerings and enlarge its student body to include a diverse selection of people who have the means to afford such a prestigious institution. Under my leadership, those who earn a certificate from Trump University will have an unlimited horizon of opportunity – even leading perhaps to the United States Supreme Court.”

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Monday, May 1st, 2017 Uncategorized No Comments

Trump’s precedent-setting choice for VP – Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen!

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are the first twins ever chosen to run for Vice President.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are the first twins ever chosen to run for Vice President.

Presidential candidate Donald Trump surprised the country by today announcing his choice for Vice President, and it was completely unexpected. Despite his previous “short list” of Mike Spence, Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich, Trump said he has chosen actresses Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen to be his co-Vice Presidents. “”Mary-Kate and Ashley are amazing,” said Trump in making the announcement. “They’re fighters, they’ve been all over the world, they’re smart, and they can be in two places at the same time, which is important to me.” The choice sets several precedents – the first twins, the first non-politicians, the first actresses, and the youngest candidates for Vice President ever to run. “They’re only 30,” said Trump, “and they make Hillary look like she’s 90. They’re very versatile, both of them, and they’ll look incredible on our campaign posters.” The choice still has to be approved by the delegates to the Republican convention, but Trump is confident they’ll be approved. “Once they see these girls in person, there will be no problem, I guarantee you.”

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Wednesday, July 13th, 2016 Uncategorized No Comments

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