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Trump: “I saw Obama tap my phones!”

President Trump adds a new twist to his Obama Administration phone tap story.

President Trump adds a new twist to his Obama Administration phone tap story.

In a stunning announcement, President Trump has doubled down on his claim that the Obama administration tapped his Trump Tower phones during the election. “I know they tapped my phones,” Trump said to reporters. “I saw Obama himself do it. I was heading to the kitchen for leftover bacon when I noticed an open door that led to the phone closet. I looked in and there was Obama wearing all black. He saw me and was so shocked. He switched off his flashlight, grabbed a box of tools and charged past me, pushing me so hard I almost fell down. Two Secret Service men held me back while Obama ran to the elevator. I was so upset I could hardly finish my bacon. If that’s not a Watergate type deal, I don’t know what is. You people should be covering this story, not all the other ruses. Forget your fake news, this is real news.”

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Sunday, March 5th, 2017 Uncategorized No Comments

Trump says Putin told him there was no Russian hacking!

There couldn't have been any Russian hacking, according to Vladimir Putin.

There couldn’t have been any Russian hacking, according to Vladimir Putin.

The question of whether Russian hackers interfered with the Presidential election has been answered, according to President-Elect Trump. “Vladimir called me and said they didn’t do it,” he announced to a small group of reporters. “That’s good enough for me, okay? I believe him. He’s a straight-shooter. He called me a genius and a statesman, and that proves he knows what’s what. He said his people don’t even know how to work computers. I hope this puts an end to all the guessing and investigating, and we can get on with making America great again. By the way, Vlad also said that thanks to cuts in Russian real estate taxes, my investment properties in St. Petersburg have gone through the roof.”

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Sunday, December 11th, 2016 Uncategorized No Comments

Trump to build invisible fence on Mexico border — and require Mexicans to wear dog collars!

This is how the entire Mexican border will look after Trump builds the 1,900-mile Invisible Fence™.

This is how the entire Mexican border will look after Trump builds the 1,900-mile Invisible Fence™.

After discovering that building a “big, beautiful” 12-foot-high fence along America’s 1,900-mile border with Mexico would cost $100 billion, President-elect Trump has changed his mind. He still wants a fence, but instead of a physical one, he has decided to install the world’s longest Invisible Fence™, a simple wire buried in the ground along the border. This device will cause anyone wearing a special dog collar to receive a severe shock if they come up to the invisible fence — and Trump is requiring all Mexicans to wear the collars. “Every Mexican will have to wear a collar,” said a Trump spokesman. “And the Mexican government will pay for them. We have to stop these illegal immigrants from coming in to our country — and this is the best way to do it. It’s a win-win-win situation — we get to preserve the beauty of our border, the Mexicans get a stylish fashion accessory, and we stop the flood of immigrants.”

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Sunday, November 27th, 2016 Uncategorized No Comments

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