Fed up with the hassle of being asked by the FBI to create a “backdoor” in iPhone software that would let them snoop on people’s private information, Apple took the unprecedented step of buying the law enforcement agency. “Normally, Federal agencies aren’t for sale,” said Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO. “But we’ve got so much money, we can do what we want. Now at last we can find out how the FBI cracked that one guy’s iPhone in San Bernardino, and Apple customers will rest assured that never again will the FBI or any other law enforcement agency be able to repeat it.” Cook wouldn’t say how much Apple paid for the FBI, but it’s rumored to be around $5 billion. All Cook would say about the price was, “It’s worth it.”
Instead of simply producing the expected iWatch, which everyone had been speculating about, Apple again surprised the world with a revolutionary product. Apple’s new iPatch™ is a sophisticated web-enabled computer with a display that sits right in front of your eye and lets you communicate with the world effortlessly. You can target any object or person and find out all information about it online, take video, send it to someone, post on Facebook, find directions, get the weather and news reports, read an e-book, make a phone call, watch a movie, get email, watch TV, play games, and get the time. “The iPatch is the most incredible product we’ve ever made,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook in introducing the iWatch. “It features technology that other companies will take years to copy. Plus we think it makes a great fashion statement.”
When Apple CEO Tim Cook appeared before a congressional committee to defend his company’s tax avoidance, he impressed members of Congress so much that the hearing turned out to be a discussion of Apple’s design aesthetic. Congressmen praised not only Apple products like the iPhone and iPad, but Apple’s retail stores and new futuristic California headquarters that will be shaped like a flying saucer. Cook came away from the hearing with the job of redesigning the U.S. Capitol building, including both houses of Congress. Preliminary sketches were released by Apple this morning, showing the new Capitol dome made of curved glass, surrounded by a symbolic lake, and featuring high-tech information management systems featuring built-in iPads in every chair.
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