Keeping with his tradition of killing people in unusual ways, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un launched his uncle – North Korea’s Minister of Agriculture – from a missile silo aboard the country’s newest submarine. South Korea, Japan and other countries in the area were relieved that no actual missile had been launched, as had been originally feared. “Apparently the North Koreans have a shortage of missiles, or an abundance of poorly-performing Ministers,” joked a member of the Japanese government. “We are not afraid of falling uncles,” he continued. There was no indication of where Kim’s uncle came down.
Fully demonstrating the difference between itself and the countries around it, North Korea issued warlike threats to South Korea and other nearby nations – by telegraph. “We don’t even have any telegraphs anymore, except in museums,” said a spokesman for South Korea. “That’s why we didn’t notice the threat for three months. A museum curator called to say one of their machines had received a message.” In its telegraphed message, delivered in International Morse Code, North Korea warned its neighbors that they could be attacked at any time, without notice. “We knew that anyway,” said the spokesman. “And if the telegraph is their highest technology, we’ve got nothing to worry about.”
For the first time in world history, an entire country has been hospitalized to prevent it from hurting its neighbors – or itself. All 24,451,285 people of North Korea were placed in hospitals, thanks to the intervention of South Korea and Japan. Citing the country’s increasing irrational behavior, bizarre threats, human rights violations – and considering its possession of weapons of mass destruction – South Korea and Japan said they were forced to act now to prevent a tragedy from occurring. North Korea’s population – including their leader, Kim Jung-Un – will begin receiving treatment for aggressive behavior and delusional thinking, and could be out in a year or two, depending on their progress. Nearby countries Russia and China expressed relief that the unstable situation had been so well handled. With North Korea in the hospital, its dangerous weapons can be removed and the country can be cleaned up and sanitized. “Anyone with a dangerously crazy neighbor would have done the same thing,” South Korea’s president, Park Geun-Hye, said in a statement.
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