shutdown

Tea Party leaders to be sent to Iran to shut down its government!

Iran's President Rouhani won't be smiling for long, once the Tea Party shuts down his government, too.

Iran’s President Rouhani won’t be smiling for long, once the Tea Party shuts down his government, too.

Finally, the ultra-conservative Tea Party will do something useful. The CIA announced that the Tea Party’s expertise in bringing the U.S. government to a standstill will be used against our enemies, starting with Iran. Leaders of the Tea Party will be sent to Tehran to shut down their government – a job the CIA expects to be accomplished in “two or three months.” The Tea Party, which is even more conservative than the most reactionary Islamic cleric, is expected to use all the techniques they have employed against the U.S. government, namely objecting to the national health care system, objecting to all public spending, and objecting to government in general. The new offensive will distract all Iranians, enabling CIA operatives to dismantle all Iran’s nuclear facilities in record time.

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Wednesday, October 16th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

Researchers discover parallel universe – but there’s no way to reach it!

The parallel Earth is just like ours – with important differences.

The parallel Earth is just like ours – with important differences.

Scientists at the University of Virginia recently proved the existence of a complete universe that parallels ours – but is in many ways our opposite. “We were amazed to find how similar this universe is to ours,” said a scientist. “Yet how different. For example, there’s a parallel Earth, complete with parallel life-forms – even parallel humans. They’re like us, but with unbelievable differences. For one thing, they believe that affordable health care is the worst thing that could happen to them. They’re even willing to shut down their government to prevent it from helping people. Unfortunately, there’s no way to communicate with this parallel universe, so it’s on a path to self-destruction. The only question is when.”

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Friday, October 11th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

Washington, D.C. revealed as giant hologram when power turned off!

Washington, D.C., without its  famous landmarks.

Washington, D.C., without its famous landmarks.

The government shutdown has resulted in a shocking development – all government buildings in Washington, D.C. were nothing but huge 3-D holograms. This was revealed yesterday when the shutdown forced power to the capital to be turned off. “The Capitol Building, White House, Treasury Building – all the major structures we thought were solid – disappeared,” said a reporter for the Washington Post. “Evidently the government has been operating from somewhere else, and no one knows exactly where. Those TV pictures from the White House and Congress apparently were all from studio sets. It’s like the Wizard of Oz, where Dorothy found out it was all smoke and mirrors,” the reporter continued. “Actually, this explains a lot.”

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Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

Get your own Government Shutdown Switch!

Control the power, and you can hold the government hostage!

Why let bickering politicians be the only ones to control the government? You’ve got gripes, too! Now you can get your own Government Shutdown Switch and issue your own threats. The Government Shutdown Switch connects easily to the Washington power grid online from anywhere, and controls the entire Federal government – including Congress, the Senate, the White House, and all Federal agencies. Simply throw the switch until you hear a click, and all government activity will come to an immediate stop. That includes all Federal funding – even previously unstoppable entitlement programs like Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid, as well as all military spending. You’ll have the government right where you want it! Congress, the Senate and the President will do anything to see that your demands are met – like better mail service, more Federal holidays, lower taxes, and straightening out that property dispute with your screwy neighbor – just to get the government running again. You’ll have the upper hand – because you’ll still have your Government Shutdown Switch, and can pull the same stunt over and over!

Government Shutdown Switch, $199.95

 

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Wednesday, April 6th, 2011 Uncategorized No Comments

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