science

Scientists achieve quantum entanglement at room temperature!

A scientist holds quantum particles that were entangled at room temperature.

A scientist holds quantum particles that were entangled at room temperature.

Researchers at the Institute for Molecular Engineering have demonstrated genuine macroscopic entanglement at room temperature and in a small (33 millitesla) magnetic field. Previously, scientists have overcome the thermodynamic barrier and achieved macroscopic entanglement in solids and liquids only by going to ultra-low temperatures (-270 degrees Celsius) and applying huge magnetic fields or using chemical reactions.

The researchers explain that they used strands of Christmas lights to order (preferentially align) the magnetic states of thousands of electrons and nuclei and then used electromagnetic pulses to entangle them. This procedure caused pairs of electrons and nuclei in a macroscopic 40 micrometer-cubed volume in a silicon carbide semiconductor wafer to become entangled. “The ability to produce robust entangled states in an electronic-grade semiconductor at ambient conditions has important implications on future quantum devices,” said a scientist. “The idea came to me as I put up my Christmas decorations – I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me before.” In the short term, the research could enable quantum sensors that use entanglement as a resource for beating the sensitivity limit of traditional (non-quantum) sensors and for biological sensing inside a living organism, using entanglement-enhanced magnetic resonance imaging probes, according to the researchers.

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Thursday, November 26th, 2015 Uncategorized No Comments

Scientists to spend billions looking for where the time goes!

The world's largest machine, the Large Hadron Collider costs billions of Euros to operate.

The world’s largest machine, the Large Hadron Collider costs billions of Euros to operate.

The Large Hadron Collider, the world’s largest particle accelerator located in Switzerland, is being restarted after a two-year break. “We’re no longer looking for the smallest particle – we found that,” says a physicist working on the collider. “Now we’ve changed our focus. Even though it’s been two years, it seems like only yesterday we shut the collider down. So we were wondering: Where does the time go? So that’s what we’ll be looking for.” Physicists disagree on where the time goes. Some think it goes east, some think west, and a few think time goes straight up. Now, with the Large Hadron Collider generating 600 million particles a second and accelerating them near the speed of light for yours at a time, science may finally be able to tell us where the time goes.

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Monday, April 6th, 2015 Uncategorized No Comments

Man sets clock ahead too far, disappears into the future!

An Akron, Ohio, man disappeared after trying to set a clock following these complicated directions.

An Akron, Ohio, man disappeared after trying to set a clock following these complicated directions.

Police and scientists are scratching their heads at the report of an Akron, Ohio, man who vanished as he was setting his clock ahead to Daylight Saving Time. “He apparently set everything ahead – not only the hour, but the day and year as well,” said a scientist called in by the family. “Now he’s in the future, and his family is beside themselves. We can tell by his clock that he’s five years from now, but his family will have to wait until Daylight Saving Time ends to reset his clock and hopefully get him back.” A police detective adds “Another thing we don’t know is whether he did this on purpose to get away from something. We’re interviewing his family, friends and acquaintances.”

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Sunday, March 8th, 2015 Uncategorized No Comments

Ancient shopping mall discovered beneath Stonehenge!

An entire 6,000-year-old shopping mall lies beneath one of Britain's most famous structures.

An entire 6,000-year-old shopping mall lies beneath one of Britain’s most famous structures.

British archeologists working with ground-penetrating radar have revealed amazing structures buried underneath Stonehenge. “We were astounded by what the ancient Britons had built,” said a spokesman for the National History Exploratory Society. “Not only were there rooms and walkways, but we found an entire shopping mall built 6,000 years ago. The mall apparently contained shops, theaters and even a food court where ancient Druids, shepherds and visitors could buy seasonal items. The fact that it’s directly beneath Stonehenge advances the theory that the massive stones were arranged to be used as a shopping reminder, telling the Druids how many shopping days were left until Solstice.” Plans have already been made to carefully excavate the ancient shopping center and return it to its original condition.

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Sunday, February 15th, 2015 Uncategorized No Comments

Vicious prehistoric fish named after Dick Cheney!

All other sea creatures scattered at the approach of the Chenyensis, the only fish known to have tortured its enemies.

All other sea creatures scattered at the approach of the Chenyensis, the only fish known to have tortured its enemies.

Scientists in Scotland have discovered the skeleton of a previously unknown fish, a prehistoric relative of the ichthyosaurus – apparently the most vicious sea creature ever found. “This fish attacked everything within sight,” said a scientist. “It didn’t hesitate to torture, maim or cripple its enemies – or even its friends.” The new creature was named Dearchmarra Cheneyensis after former Vice President Dick Cheney, its human counterpart.

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Tuesday, January 13th, 2015 Uncategorized No Comments

Largest dinosaur ever discovered roamed the Earth – literally!

The Stupendicus roamed the entire Earth, even visiting Paris.

The Stupendicus roamed the entire Earth, even visiting Paris.

The scientific community was stunned this week at the discovery of the largest dinosaur ever unearthed – the Stupendicus Bombastica. The new dinosaur was found after a tourist bus crashed into a recently-exposed Stupendicus tooth in southwestern Turkey. “This creature was so huge, it dwarfs every other living thing, and most buildings,” said an anthropologist. “It weighed so much that they had to live on separate continents. Each one could eat an entire forest in a month. If twenty Stupendicus were in the same place, it would upset the Earth’s rotation, causing it to wobble wildly. Fortunately, the creature was so huge, it could roam the Earth easily, going from Asia to Europe in three days to balance things out. There apparently were only a couple dozen alive at the same time, which is all the Earth could support.”

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Sunday, September 7th, 2014 Uncategorized No Comments

Sunspot activity to reverse Earth’s polarity – and time!

The sun's newly-discovered 11-million-year sunspot cycle is peaking... and will reverse time on Earth.

The sun’s newly-discovered 11-million-year sunspot cycle is peaking… and will reverse time on Earth.

In a stunning discovery, astrophysicists found that the surface of the sun affects the Earth much more than previously thought. Astronomers have long known about how sunspot activity and solar flares have affected Earth’s satellites and sensitive electronics. They’ve known about the sun’s 11-year cycle, and how sunspots get weaker and stronger over the cycles. But recently, astronomers using a newly-built telescope in Hawaii discovered that the sun also has an 11-million-year cycle… and the cycle is peaking. “Every 11 million years, the sun’s spots congregate on one side of the sun, and produce unimaginable amounts of energy,” said a spokesman for the Center for Astronomy in Hawaii. “We’re seeing that happening now. This will have an enormous effect on the Earth.” For example, when the cycle is at its peak, the Earth’s polarity will flip, making north south and vice versa. Not only that, many other things will be reversed – including time itself. “Time will begin to flow backwards,” said the spokesman. “That’s because when the Earth’s polarity is flipped, the sun will rise in the west and set in the east, making time reverse itself.” Astronomers, astrophysicists and other scientists are now scrambling to figure out how this development will affect life on Earth. The good news is, not only will everyone become younger and younger, but people like Isaac Newton will eventually exist again… maybe he’ll be able to explain things.”

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Monday, August 25th, 2014 Uncategorized No Comments

Giant hole opens in Siberia – now Earth is deflating!

This gigantic hole opened mysteriously in Siberia.

This gigantic hole opened mysteriously in Siberia.

Scientists have discovered that the giant hole that mysteriously appeared in Siberia – apparently going straight down through the Earth’s crust – is releasing pressure at an ever-increasing rate. “That means the Earth is deflating,” said a Russian scientist who has studied the hole. “The fear is that once the pressure reaches a certain point, the Earth will fly off like a punctured balloon, looping crazily around the solar system and winding up as a flabby skin billions of miles away.” Could it hit another planet or even the sun? “That’s one outcome,” said the scientist. “Right now we are studying options to plug the hole, including a huge cork.”

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Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014 Uncategorized No Comments

New source of electric power – “tame” tornadoes!

Now tornadoes can be captures, tamed, and used to generate electricity.

Now tornadoes can be captures, tamed, and used to generate electricity.

In an unexpected advance in power generation, scientists at a company called Influx Power announced that tornadoes can be “tamed” and used to generate electricity. Formerly, tornadoes – one of the most powerful natural forces in the world – were unpredictable and uncontrollable. But new technology involving lasers and huge electromagnets can actually capture a natural tornado and force it to move to a safe area, where it can be kept whirling for weeks, generating enough electricity to power five hundred thousand homes for six months. “This new technology makes every other power source seem puny,” said a scientist. “One tornado can generate more power than a thousand square miles of solar panels.” The next step, say the scientists, is to create a tornado from scratch whenever one is needed.

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Saturday, April 26th, 2014 Uncategorized No Comments

New facial muscles allow more expressions!

Scientists say newly discovered facial muscles will let us invent and express extremely sophisticated emotions.

Scientists say newly discovered facial muscles will let us invent and express extremely sophisticated emotions.

Scientists have recently discovered that the human face has more muscles than previously thought. These new muscles, on each side of the eyes and mouth, are being called “adverb muscles,” because they allow a face to express more detailed emotions than was thought possible. Up to now, the only emotions scientists considered were happy, sad, fearful, disgusted, surprised, angry, sleepy and dopey. Using the new adverb muscles, a face can register being happily surprised, sadly angry, sleepily disgusted, fearfully happy, unexpectedly dopey, and even more sophisticated emotions that haven’t even been thought of yet, such as absurdly unaware, unwillingly obtuse, and largely lugubrious.

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Sunday, April 6th, 2014 Uncategorized No Comments

Scientists reveal universe is a giant raisin bun!

 

By analyzing gravity waves, scientists have discovered huge raisins throughout the "dough" of the universe.

By analyzing gravity waves, scientists have discovered huge raisins throughout the “dough” of the universe.

In an unprecedented discovery, scientists using a telescope at the South Pole found proof that the universe is lumpy – and the lumps are raisins. “We always suspected that gravity isn’t constant,” said a scientist who examined the results. “And we knew that the universe has been expanding since the Big Bang. But we never suspected that the actual material of the universe was edible.” The telescope, called BICEP2 – Background Imaging of Cosmic Extragalactic Polarization 2 – examined the polarization of light waves, and found the raisins hidden in waves of thicker gravity scientists are calling “dough.” “We are now engaged in looking for remnants of the original cinnamon swirl,” said another scientist at Sanford University. “If we find them, we think the results would be something Einstein would have found quite tasty.”

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Tuesday, March 18th, 2014 Uncategorized No Comments

Huge new source of polka dots discovered!

Construction equipment is being rushed to western Australia for the start of the world's largest polka dot mine.

Construction equipment is being rushed to western Australia for the start of the world’s largest polka dot mine.

Geologists have found what may be the world’s largest cache of polka dots beneath the deserts of western Australia. Estimates of the cache range from hundreds of millions of tons to perhaps a billion. Natural polka dots are so rare that fashion designers had stopped making polka dot dresses, coats and blouses – or else had resorted to artificial polka dots. “Man-made polka dots are inferior to natural ones,” a spokesman for the fashion industry said. “So designers are ecstatic that this natural source has been uncovered.” The massive new source – resulting from the accidental discovery of a few small white polka dots on the surface of a dry stream bed – means that a new polka dot mine will be started, resulting in hundreds of jobs for miners, construction engineers and polka dot sorters in the area. “We were on the verge of never seeing another natural polka dot dress,” said the spokesman. “Now we’ll be able to make anything we want with polka dots, and not worry about running out.”

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Monday, March 3rd, 2014 Uncategorized No Comments

Army’s newest deadly weapon – frozen vegetables!

Propelled at supersonic speed by this special launcher, a frozen brussels sprout can take out a tank.

Propelled at supersonic speed by this special launcher, a frozen brussels sprout can take out a tank.

The science of cryogenics, plus the U.S. military’s desire to use weapons that minimize environmental damage, has resulted in the creation of a new class of projectile. The result of an experimental program called Project Green, these projectiles consist of vegetables that are flash-frozen and kept solid in special containers on the battlefield. “Frozen vegetables are really hard,” said an Army spokesman. “And when fired at supersonic speeds by specially-designed launchers, can do a tremendous amount of damage – but not to the environment.” The spokesman explained that a frozen pea can kill a person, and a frozen baby carrot or brussels sprout can take out a tank. “When the battle is over, the vegetables simply rot,” he said. “No effect on the battlefield at all.”

 

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Monday, February 17th, 2014 Uncategorized No Comments

New Easter Island statues popping up – all over!

These huge carved stone heads are emerging from the ground on Cape Cod.

These huge carved stone heads are emerging from the ground on Cape Cod.

The mysterious gigantic carved stone heads on Easter Island have just gotten more mysterious. They were created hundreds of years ago by a now-extinct tribe on the island – but recently new heads were spotted emerging from the ground. Archeologists noted the new heads and have no explanation – but even more mysteriously, the same type of gigantic heads are emerging in other places all over the world, including Cape Cod in the United States. “We always wondered how the heads were created and moved,” said a spokesman for the Pacific Archeological Institute. “But now it appears the heads simply pop out of the ground… and they’re not limited to Easter Island.” Archeologists expect to study the new heads to determine exactly what is going on.

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Tuesday, December 31st, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

NASA Saturn pictures are computer generated!

NASA's beautiful images of the planet Saturn have been revealed to be created by computer.

NASA’s beautiful images of the planet Saturn have been revealed to be created by computer.

In an unexpected admission, NASA announced that photos from its latest mission to Saturn were generated by computer – because there never was a mission to Saturn. “Our planetary exploration budget was cut so much, we couldn’t afford to go anywhere,” said a NASA spokesman. “So we just faked the whole thing.” NASA astronomers already knew so much about Saturn that they could instruct computer artists on what the ringed planet looked like. “We gave the world pretty pictures,” the spokesman continued. “They’re as accurate as anything we would have gotten had we actually gone. And look at the money we saved.”

 

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Saturday, November 16th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

New asteroid could bring dinosaurs back!

A newly-discovered asteroid heading for Earth could contain dinosaur DNA – and bring dinosaurs back.

A newly-discovered asteroid heading for Earth could contain dinosaur DNA – and bring dinosaurs back.

Scientists have speculated for years that a huge asteroid could be the cause of the demise of the dinosaurs on Earth. Now, for the first time, astronomers say another asteroid collision could bring the dinosaurs back. That’s because new discoveries in space – like the number of habitable planets, the increasing likelihood of a space rock hitting Earth, and the knowledge that the chemicals of life came from space in the first place – mean that different forms of life could be everywhere in the universe. And, astronomers say, that could mean dinosaur DNA is lodged on an asteroid headed for our planet. In fact, several asteroids have been spotted headed for Earth’s orbit and could possibly strike us in the new few dozen years. “If one of those asteroids has dinosaur DNA, we could be in for a thrilling new age of dinosaurs,” said a spokesman for NASA. “Of course, we could also be dead.”

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Thursday, November 7th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

The back side of the moon is completely flat!

An image from the Apollo mission that circled the moon – and discovered that the back is flat.

A previously classified image from the Apollo mission that circled the moon – and discovered that the back is flat.

In an amazing admission, NASA officials announced today that astronauts on US moon missions in the 1960’s discovered that the moon isn’t a globe – the entire back of it is flat. Astronomers had always known that only one side of the moon always faces the earth, but never realized why. When astronauts began circling the moon in preparation for the first moon landing, they found that the back was completely flat. This fact was hidden from the public by blanking out the astronauts’ radio transmissions when they were on the other side of the moon, blaming the silence on “radio interference.” The moon’s odd shape was determined to be too bizarre for public knowledge, and would cause panic. NASA officials thought that it would give rise to alien civilization theories, UFO sightings, end-of-the-world scenarios – even a rejection of science. Since there was no way for anyone on Earth to actually see the back side of the moon without going there, NASA could keep the secret from the public. But now, photos from the mission Apollo moon-circling mission have become public, thanks to freedom of information requests from researchers.

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Wednesday, October 30th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

Scientist wins Nobel Prize Swimsuit Competition!

Scientist Lars Joergland wins the 2013 Nobel Prize Swimsuit Competition in Oslo.

Scientist Lars Joergland wins the 2013 Nobel Prize Swimsuit Competition in Oslo.

Since the Miss America competition eliminated the swimsuit requirement, it had to be picked up someplace – and sure enough, it became part of the Nobel Prizes. Besides awards for Physics, Chemistry, Economics, Literature, Peace and Medicine, the Nobel Committee now gives out an award for the scientist who looks best in a swimsuit. This year’s Nobel Prize Swimsuit Competition award was given to Lars Joergland, a Danish biologist who not only discovered how muscle cells communicate, but also works out three hours a day.

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Monday, October 28th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

Humans causing global warming – and must be eliminated!

If humans aren't eliminated from the planet, it could soon look like this, says a United Nations report on climate change.

If humans aren’t eliminated from the planet, it could soon look like this, says a United Nations report on climate change.

A report from the U.N. International Panel on Climate Change claims that scientists are 95% certain that recent damaging changes in Earth’s weather patterns have been caused by humans. They point out that carbon dioxide levels resulting from human activity are the highest they’ve been in 20,000 years, and if not reduced, will result in a dramatic increase in extreme weather, causing hardship for all living things. The solution, says the report, is the elimination of humans from the planet. “Humans are the problem,” said a spokesman for the panel. “It’s clear that they must be removed in order for the planet to heal itself. More and more humans are born each day, and every one of them contributes to the exacerbation of the problem.” The panel does not specify the best way to eliminate humans, leaving that up to the scientists. “Science has plenty of good ways to get rid of humans already – they just haven’t implemented them,” said the spokesman.

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Sunday, September 29th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

Asteroid to give Earth a close shave – literally!

Asteroid 2013RZ53 will actually touch the Earth as it passes by, possibly starting a fire.

Asteroid 2013RZ53 will actually touch the Earth as it passes by, possibly starting a fire.

Astronomers at the Minor Planet Center in Cambridge, Massachusetts, announced that a small asteroid is headed directly toward Earth. The asteroid 2013RZ53 will pass between the Earth and the moon on Wednesday, then will actually graze the surface of the Earth before moving on into space. The area at risk is a mostly uninhabited part of Alaska, and the possibility exists that the asteroid will start a forest fire as it scrapes the surface of the Earth. To prevent that possibility, scientists are using helicopters to spray a huge mound of  fire-retardant lather on the area. The lather will reduce burning and irritation caused by the asteroid, leaving a smooth, soft surface that looks and smells great.

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Tuesday, September 17th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

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