The question of whether Russian hackers interfered with the Presidential election has been answered, according to President-Elect Trump. “Vladimir called me and said they didn’t do it,” he announced to a small group of reporters. “That’s good enough for me, okay? I believe him. He’s a straight-shooter. He called me a genius and a statesman, and that proves he knows what’s what. He said his people don’t even know how to work computers. I hope this puts an end to all the guessing and investigating, and we can get on with making America great again. By the way, Vlad also said that thanks to cuts in Russian real estate taxes, my investment properties in St. Petersburg have gone through the roof.”
The FBI announced today that Russian hackers have broken into kids’ piggy banks across the country. “This is a shocking development,” said an FBI spokesman. “It shows the sophistication of Russian hackers – they’re able to break into any bank anywhere, no matter what size, even those not connected to the Internet.” There’s no evidence that the hackers stole any money, but the very fact that they can remotely break into private peoples’ homes and count change should send a warning message to everyone.
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