North Korea’s leader-for-life Kim Jong-un doesn’t mess around when it comes to ridding his country of poorly-performing officials. The latest to go was Kim’s uncle Kyong-hui, Minister of Waterways, who was accused of poor management policies leading to collapsed dams. Kim apparently spent weeks thinking of how to execute his uncle, having already dispatched other officials using such methods as hungry wolves, bazookas, mortar fire and speeding locomotives. He finally decided to use the uncle as a target for his country’s latest missile technology, and used a Soviet-built Sukhoi Su-25 Ground Attack aircraft to fire a powerful missile at Uncle Kyong-hui, who was conveniently tied to a gasoline truck for extra insurance.
Even though North Korea’s launch of the Unha-3 missile failed, their government has put more pressure on the country’s manned spacecraft program. Nearing completion, their unique spacecraft, the Pyongyang-1, combines peaceful scientific experiments with a nuclear bomb dropping test. Once and for all, the North Korean government will prove to a skeptical world that their rocket science is superior to that of the United States or any other Western country, such as Spain. While North Korea has its choice of qualified “astronauts” – their dear leader Kim Jong Un has the power to force anyone to get in the capsule – every person chosen so far has refused and been liquidated. Thus the North Korean government is appealing to the rest of the world for someone willing to gain the glory of being North Korea’s first astronaut. No experience is needed, as the Pyongyang-1 satellite is completely automated, except for the actuation of the nuclear-bomb mechanism over the test area. If you’d like to be a hero in North Korea, gain valuable space travel experience, and be richly rewarded for your efforts, apply to the North Korean embassy today.