The ancient Mayans were a warlike tribe on the Yucatan peninsula in Mexico who practiced human sacrifice and drank blood. According to their calendar, which still survives, the world will end on December 21st of this year. So why not celebrate the momentous event the way the Mayans would have – with milk and cookies? Now you can get official Mayan Calendar Cookies that replicate the actual stone calendar the Mayans carved hundreds of years ago. The cookies are made with ingredients the Mayans would have used – sugar cane, honey, maize flour, cocoa flour, malto-dextrin, xanthan gum, phytophosphate, triglycerides, kleptopharmatoids, and a touch of artificial blood. Mayan Calendar Cookies are perfect for partying like there’s no tomorrow. Order yours today!
Box of 50 Mayan Calendar Cookies, $3.99
In a completely unexpected development, archeologists have received new Mayan calendars that start where the old one left off. Previously, researchers studying the original Mayan calendar thought that because it ended in 2012, the world was going to be destroyed – possibly by a meteor or other cataclysm – at the end of the year. But just because a modern calendar ends on December 31st, it doesn’t mean the world will end at that time. A new calendar always comes out for the next year. Now, as 2012 comes to a close, the newly-issued Mayan calendar starts with January, 2013, and goes until December, 3012. This discovery will greatly relieve people who were selling all their possessions, preparing for the end of the world. If you were one of them, or if you were at all worried about the seeming Mayan prediction, order your copy of the 2013 Mayan calendar – and see for yourself that the world will continue on into the future.
2013 Mayan calendar, 4’ diameter, 550 lbs., $3,995.
If you’re looking for a more interesting calendar app for your smartphone, check out Mayan Year™. Based on the ancient Mayan calendar, Mayan Year is unique among calendar apps. You don’t just click on dates and type in appointments or meetings – instead, you actually “carve” your information using your finger! The simulated stone on the screen will chip away, leaving you with a beautiful reminder of your appointment. Sure, it takes a little longer, but the result is absolutely stunning. Once you get used to the Mayan year, consisting of 18 months with names like Ak’b’al, K’an, Manik, Kimi and Muluk, each with 20 days with names like Zotz, Zec, Yax, Ch’en and Cumcu, you’re good to go. You can set reminder alarms that sound like someone blowing a ram’s horn, a crowd chanting, or a virgin being tossed into a pit. The only downside to this wonderful calendar is that you can’t schedule anything after December 21, 2012 – that’s when the world will end, according to the Mayans. Until then, make good use of Mayan Year – the most gorgeous calendar app ever!
Mayan Year, for iOS and Android, $2.99
Astronomers and astrophysicists have long suspected that the Big Bang – the origin of the universe – is a repeating phenomenon. The universe may have expanded and contracted and expanded again for trillions upon trillions of years. Now there’s proof that this happens, and it’s from the ancient Mayan calendar. Close examination of the famous circular carved stone calendar reveals that not only will the universe contract back to the size of a pinpoint – but it will happen this year! The Earth will indeed end in 2012, but so will everything else in the universe. But the good news is there will be a new Big Bang, where everything is created again in a microsecond from almost nothing. It sounds incredible, but the proof is carved in stone. Armed with that knowledge, you can profit from this new Big Bang when it happens – but you have to be prepared. After all, the time to make money is when you can get in at the beginning, and what could be more of a startup than a Big Bang? Act now – order our book The New Big Bang: How To Make It Work For You. But don’t wait – there’s big money to be made, and fast!
The New Big Bang: How To Make It Work For You, 651 pp., illus., $49.95
It’s a proven fact that the ancient Mayan calendar ends in 2012 – only a few short months away – which means the end of the world and everything in it. But now thanks to an amazing discovery, you can prevent the world from ending on schedule! Just in the nick of time, professional astronomers have created the Mayan Personal Calendar Extension which will add centuries to the existence of the world – plenty of time for you and your descendants to live rich, full lives. Beautifully carved of solid stone, the Mayan Personal Calendar Extension attaches easily to your Mayan calendar and immediately starts working. It’s the easiest way yet to prevent the end of the world. Hurry – 2012 is right around the corner!
Mayan Personal Calendar Extension, 5 lbs., $129.00
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