hackers

Apple buys FBI!

Apple's Tim Cook announces Apple's latest purchase – the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Apple’s Tim Cook announces Apple’s latest purchase – the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Fed up with the hassle of being asked by the FBI to create a “backdoor” in iPhone software that would let them snoop on people’s private information, Apple took the unprecedented step of buying the law enforcement agency. “Normally, Federal agencies aren’t for sale,” said Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO. “But we’ve got so much money, we can do what we want. Now at last we can find out how the FBI cracked that one guy’s iPhone in San Bernardino, and Apple customers will rest assured that never again will the FBI or any other law enforcement agency be able to repeat it.” Cook wouldn’t say how much Apple paid for the FBI, but it’s rumored to be around $5 billion. All Cook would say about the price was, “It’s worth it.”

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Sunday, April 10th, 2016 Uncategorized No Comments

Hollywood studios hire North Korean hackers – to bring down their competition!

These North Korean hackers are now employed by U.S. movie studios to disrupt their competition.

These North Korean hackers are now employed by U.S. movie studios to disrupt their competition.

Hollywood is nothing if not a competitive town. Seeing how effective North Korea’s hacking attack was in embarrassing Sony Pictures and stopping the release of their film The Interview, other Hollywood studios are aiming to use hacking as a business weapon. Several studios have already contacted the North Korean hackers who attacked Sony and have arranged to have competitive companies given the same treatment. “This is a tough town,” said a representative of one studio. “If a movie is opening on the same weekend as ours, we want to do all we can to disrupt it. Hacking is now another tool in our toolbox. And the North Koreans are the best in the business.”

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Saturday, December 20th, 2014 Uncategorized No Comments

NSA website outage caused by healthcare applications!

The website of the National Security Agency has become the latest victim of the healthcare application mess.

The website of the National Security Agency has become the latest victim of the healthcare application mess.

The National Security Agency’s official website, nsa.gov, suffered a massive outage yesterday, and officials originally thought it was due to a cyberattack by hacks or terrorists. The NSA has come under criticism lately because of its electronic surveillance operations, and many experts thought the website had gone down in a sophisticated denial of service attack. After examination, however, technicians discovered that the site had been brought down because it had been spying on people applying for healthcare on another government site, healthcare.gov, and the two sites became hopelessly entangled and collapsed together in a mass of digital debris. “Our website will be up and running in no time,” said a spokesman for the NSA. “Just as soon as the healthcare situation has been straightened out.”

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Saturday, October 26th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

CIA makes agents hand-write all communications!

CIA agents must now write all communications by hand. increasing the time it takes to finish reports.

CIA agents must now write all communications by hand. increasing the time it takes to finish reports.

Realizing that modern digital technology makes completely secure communication impossible, CIA Director John Brennan is requiring all agents and related personnel avoid computers and the Internet – even cell phones – entirely. Instead, he is making them write all reports and communications by hand – and if copies are needed, to avoid copy machines and recopy them by hand as well. While this is the only ultra-secure way to communicate, it is causing frustration among agents. Writing by hand means checking spelling in paper dictionaries, whiting-out mistakes, and laboriously rewriting clumsy phrases. Handwritten papers must be carried personally to the recipient if nearby, otherwise hidden in hidden compartments of luggage, or in innocent-looking items like boxes of candy. This return to 1940’s technology and procedure is significantly increasing the amount of time to complete agency operations, but Director Brennan is confident that with no digital component involved, no hacker will be able to compromise the security of CIA communications.

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Thursday, July 11th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

Stay safe online – join Ed’s Web!

With Ed’s Web, you’ll be able to go online and never worry about hackers, scammers, spammers, viruses or rogue governments while Ed is on the job!

The problem with the Internet is that everyone uses the World Wide Web – including spammers, scammers, hucksters, hackers, rogue governments, and other troublemakers and evildoers. Billions of dollars are being stolen, people’s identities are being ripped off, damage is being done to utilities and critical installations – the list goes on and on. But there’s a way you can go online and still protect yourself from any loss or damage – quit the World Wide Web and join Ed’s Web! Ed Farnberg of Mission Viejo, California, has formed his own Internet protocol, and hundreds of people have already joined up. When you’re on Ed’s Web, instead of typing “www” at the beginning of an address, you type “ew.” That way, you won’t be reachable by scammers, hackers or con artists – because Ed himself will check every incoming message for suspicious intent. You’ll be able to communicate with everyone on Ed’s Web safely and securely. You won’t have to deal with anti-spam programs, because Ed will be on the job from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. seven days a week. If he decides to take a vacation, he’ll let you know it advance, so you can hold off going online until he gets back. Once you persuade your bank, other important facilities in your life, and all your friends, to join Ed’s Web, you’ll be able to go online without a care in the world.

ew.edsweb.com/join 

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Saturday, October 13th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

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