Zeroing in on the only people who can’t remember all his policy flip-flops and backtracks, Presidential candidate Donald Trump’s campaign staff is focusing on support from people with Alzheimer’s disease. “These people are our best hope,” said a campaign staffer. “They only focus on what Trump says today, and forget that he said the opposite thing last week.” In a first for politics, the Trump campaign purchased names and addresses of Alzheimer’s sufferers, and will send out mailers days before the election saying things like “Remember, you promised to vote for Trump.”
Apparently so confident that he’ll be the next President, Donald Trump today said he is not satisfied with the government’s 15 existing executive departments, and has created two additional ones. The new Department of The Fence will be responsible for physically keeping out any and all immigrants, especially Hispanics, Muslims and troublemakers. Trump named Matt Koel, head of the National Socialist White People’s Party, as Secretary of The Fence. In addition, Trump created the Department of Negotiation, which will have responsibility for reducing the national debt, primarily by lowering Treasury bonds to junk status and stiffing creditor nations. Trump named his son, Donald Trump Jr., as Secretary of Negotiation. “We can’t make America great again by just doing the same-old, same-old,” said Trump in announcing the new departments. “We have to take some initiative, and these are just two of the changes I plan to make the minute I step into the Oval Office – which, by the way, isn’t going to be oval for long.”
Not long after Bruce Jenner announced that he has become Caitlyn, a Democratic Congressman from California has become the first tran-species member of the House of Representatives – and is running for President. Growing up in Oakland, Fred Presser had looked like a human male, but he said he confided to friends that inside he was a horse. “So I made the switch,” he said in announcing his candidacy. “I took the hormones, I had the injections, I had the surgery and transplants, and now I am a horse. I’m running for President to call attention to the trans-species animals among us. I can run faster than any other candidate, and I think I’ve got a good shot at winning as the first true dark-horse candidate.”
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney spends so much time explaining that he didn’t mean what he said, although he meant it when he said it before he said the opposite, that he has written a song about it. The song, “Walkin’ It Back,” is a catchy tune about having to deny his previous positions, statements, and beliefs, and how just because he has to deny them, it doesn’t mean he actually believes what he denies, although if it’s to his advantage, he’ll re-deny them or reaffirm them. If you’re a fan of country music, “Walkin’ It Back” is a great country song, but if you’re into pop or jazz, or even classical music, “Walkin’ It Back” is one of those, too. You can hear whatever you’re listening for, and the Romney campaign hopes you do. You can download “Walkin’ It Back” on FoxTunes.com.
Unbelievable news every day