Newt’s Muslim test –– Draw Mohammad!

"My Muslim test is incredibly simple," says Newt Gingrich. "Just like me."

“My Muslim test is incredibly simple,” says Newt Gingrich. “Just like me.”

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich says that in order to find out who in this country are Muslims, and liable to be terrorists, it’s not necessary to ask them if they believe in Islamic Shariah law. After all, that would be against the Constitution, and it would be too easy for a Muslim to say “No.” Instead, he proposes that we ask each person to draw their idea of what Mohammad looks like. “It’s a simple test,” says Gingrich. “Non-Muslims could draw their own image of Mohammad, even if it’s just a stick figure.But since it’s forbidden for Muslims to create any image of Mohammad, they would refuse. Presto – you’ve got a Muslim. Just trot him out to a bus and deport him on the spot. It’s a foolproof idea.”

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Monday, July 18th, 2016 Uncategorized No Comments

Female Supreme Court Justices resign to form their own court!

For the first time, three Supreme Court justices are leaving to form a rival court.

For the first time, three Supreme Court justices are leaving to form a rival court.

All of a sudden, the U.S. Supreme Court has competition. Irked by two recent rulings that put limitations on women’s reproductive rights, justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Elena Kagan, and Sonia Sotomayor quit the Supreme Court – and will start their own court. The new court, to be named the Extreme Court, will also feature other female judges from around the country. The Extreme Court will have the power to overrule Supreme Court decisions, according to Justice Ginsburg, who was so angry at the new court decisions she was still visibly shaking. “Women in America deserve their own court,” Ginsburg said in a statement. “Their rights under the Constitution cannot be trampled by troglodyte men who have no idea what it’s like to be a woman in today’s world.” The new Extreme Court is expected to convene in September. 

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Saturday, July 5th, 2014 Uncategorized No Comments

Get a Federal Government Repair Kit!

With this kit, you'll be able to fix everything the Tea Party is complaining about!

The Tea Party claims the Federal government is broken, and should be abolished in favor of going back to the stone age, when only the strong (meaning rich) survived. If you agree that while not everything is working as it should in our system, you can help repair whatever’s wrong with the Federal government yourself – with a Federal Government Repair Kit! The Federal Government Repair Kit contains everything you need to fix the government and make it work to constitutional specifications. You get red tape cutters, self-leveler, duct tape, fair tax applicator, hole cutter to let in fresh air and sunlight, left-right balance, rose-colored protective goggles, American flag, a copy of the Constitution with measuring calipers, marble polish, Robert’s Rules of Order, two pounds of optimism, caulk, a guide to proper handshaking, and a jar of elbow grease. Order your Federal Government Repair Kit today, and in no time, you’ll have the Federal government working like clockwork – and the Tea Party with nothing to say.

Federal Government Repair Kit, $399.95

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Sunday, September 11th, 2011 Uncategorized No Comments

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