climate change

Humans causing global warming – and must be eliminated!

If humans aren't eliminated from the planet, it could soon look like this, says a United Nations report on climate change.

If humans aren’t eliminated from the planet, it could soon look like this, says a United Nations report on climate change.

A report from the U.N. International Panel on Climate Change claims that scientists are 95% certain that recent damaging changes in Earth’s weather patterns have been caused by humans. They point out that carbon dioxide levels resulting from human activity are the highest they’ve been in 20,000 years, and if not reduced, will result in a dramatic increase in extreme weather, causing hardship for all living things. The solution, says the report, is the elimination of humans from the planet. “Humans are the problem,” said a spokesman for the panel. “It’s clear that they must be removed in order for the planet to heal itself. More and more humans are born each day, and every one of them contributes to the exacerbation of the problem.” The panel does not specify the best way to eliminate humans, leaving that up to the scientists. “Science has plenty of good ways to get rid of humans already – they just haven’t implemented them,” said the spokesman.

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Sunday, September 29th, 2013 Uncategorized No Comments

Help solve the global warming problem – by breathing!

Global warming is causing the polar icecaps to melt – but the problem is easily solved!

The earth’s climate is becoming warmer, causing all kinds of exaggerated weather patterns, larger storms, concentrated rainfall, melting polar icecaps, longer droughts, and other problems. For some reason, carbon dioxide is becoming trapped in the atmosphere where it’s heated by the sun, messing with the climate. Whether the excess carbon dioxide is because of human activity or not, people can easily reduce the amount. We don’t have to change our factories or anything else. All it takes is for everybody to take deeper breaths and hold them longer. If you breathe more deeply and wait before exhaling, the carbon dioxide you’ve taken in will stay in your body instead of being released back into the atmosphere. If all seven billion people in the world altered their breathing patterns in this way, the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will be reduced, allowing the natural climate patterns to return and ending the climate change crisis. In fact, if you have pets, cattle, horses or other animals, teach them the deep breathing technique, and they can help reduce carbon dioxide, too. Our book Take a Deep Breath: Solving Climate Change the Easy Way explains the theory behind this incredible technique.

Take a Deep Breath: Solving Climate Change the Easy Way, 311 pp., $12.95

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Saturday, November 10th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Sell your trash to junk scientists!

Junk scientists will find something in this junk pile that could cure cancer!

If there’s one area of science that’s booming, it’s junk science. Around the world, junk scientists are producing wave after wave of incredible results that turn the world of conventional science on its head. Climate change denial, evolution denial, unusual disease cures, proof of conspiracies involving the drug industry and big government, alternative treatments like copper bracelets, nanotech surgeries, and crystals – all these areas of junk science have taken off, popularized on infomercials and even mainstream media. But now junk scientists have hit a snag – they’re running out of junk to base their theories on. They need junk, and the more, the better. So if you’ve got a garage, basement or yard full of junk, this is your opportunity to make big money! Any kind of junk or trash will do – junk scientists can turn any piece of garbage into a working theory and sell it to the public. The Center for American Junk Science is accepting shipments of junk, and will pay amazing amounts for it. Find out how to turn your trash into extra cash. But hurry – if junk scientists run out of junk, they’ll just have to make stuff up.

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Saturday, March 24th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

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