Zeroing in on the only people who can’t remember all his policy flip-flops and backtracks, Presidential candidate Donald Trump’s campaign staff is focusing on support from people with Alzheimer’s disease. “These people are our best hope,” said a campaign staffer. “They only focus on what Trump says today, and forget that he said the opposite thing last week.” In a first for politics, the Trump campaign purchased names and addresses of Alzheimer’s sufferers, and will send out mailers days before the election saying things like “Remember, you promised to vote for Trump.”
Just as the threat of getting breast cancer causes some women to undergo mastectomies, people who are afraid of getting other diseases are having the potentially affected organs removed before problems occur. Thus, if you’re afraid you might get Alzheimer’s, you can prevent the disease by removing the organ that causes it – your brain. This solution is not as radical as it sounds. Many people haven’t used their brains in years. If you have a repetitive, robot-like job, watch reality TV, haven’t read a book since sixth grade, vote Republican, and have a gun in your home, you obviously haven’t been using your brain, and don’t need it at all. Why not have it removed and avoid getting Alzheimer’s, brain cancer, and a myriad of other brain-centered diseases? Without a brain, you’ll sleep better at night, you won’t be bothered with thoughts, and you can go on living your life as you always have.
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