Archive for February, 2012

Now – live in more than 3 dimensions!

Imagine what this 11-dimensional super fruit tastes like!

It seems incredible, but new discoveries in astrophysics have proven that things exist in more than the three dimensions we’re familiar with. In fact, according to string theory – and the M-Theory in particular – the basic building blocks of the universe called superstrings move in eleven dimensions! Now you can take advantage of this discovery and actually live in more dimensions yourself! Imagine what’s going on in those other dimensions – the parties, the thrills, the laughter, and who knows what else. Other people are already living in those new dimensions… and you may know a few. They’re the ones who seem to drift in and out of the everyday world, appearing in unexpected places, chuckling at something you can’t see. You can join them now and experience life at its fullest – and it’s easier than you might think. Send for our book Living in Extra Dimensions the Superstring Way, and find out how you can live in six, nine or even eleven dimensions! You won’t know what you’re missing if you don’t make the move!

Living in Extra Dimensions the Superstring Way, 614 pp., with diagrams, $59.95

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Wednesday, February 29th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

The world’s most intelligent refrigerator has its own Facebook page!

The eFridge goes online to talk to your friends and find out what you like to eat!

If you think a refrigerator is just for keeping food cold, you’re living in the wrong century. These days, refrigerators have been given more and more control over what and how you eat. Take the new eFridge™, for example. The eFridge not only keeps track of what food you put in it, but it can print out a list of what’s running low. It keeps track of expiration dates and warns you what’s about to go bad. With its own wi-fi connection, the eFridge can go online to find out what recipes you could make with what you have, and print them out for you. In addition, the eFridge has its own Facebook page, so it can communicate with your friends and find out what you like to eat. When it finds something new it thinks you’ll like, it orders the ingredients online. The eFridge also checks online cooking sites to help you update your kitchen skills, and even orders the utensils you’ll need. If you aren’t improving your diet week to week, the eFridge will remind you what vitamins and minerals you need more of. Its built-in camera watches your eating habits, and the eFridge buzzes when you’re consuming too many empty calories. You’ll be amazed at how the new eFridge can improve your entire life… plus keep your food cold.

eFridge, 25.5 cu. ft., $3,995.

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Tuesday, February 28th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Amazing new car is powered by squirrels!

Never pay for gas or an electric charge again!

Tired of paying big bucks for gas, or suffering cold-weather battery problems with electric cars? Here’s a whole different approach. The new Sciurus uses no fuel at all – other than a few bags of nuts. That’s because underneath the hood, the Scuirus is powered by two dozen squirrels running in teams on a series of geared cage wheels. To start, you push a button on the instrument panel which releases several nuts into the squirrel compartment, while releasing ten squirrels to chase the nuts round and round on cage wheels, providing the car with its initial power boost. As the car moves faster, only eight and then six squirrels are needed to continue the momentum. As the Sciurus reaches full speed – 55 mph – only two squirrels are providing the power, thanks to an ingenious set of inertia gears. The two squirrels run for five blocks, then another two are shunted in, providing the first two with needed rest. With a total of 24 squirrels, you can drive the Sciurus for about 50 miles, at which point you simply stop in at a nearby registered Sciurus station for another box of two dozen squirrels and bag of nuts. Now you can ignore the specter of $5 gas, and have the quietest car on the block. Check out the Sciurus today!

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Monday, February 27th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Magic pill gets rid of belly fat – wirelessly!

The tiny FatBeamer beams all excess fat out of your body by wi-fi!

In an astounding and unexpected medical advance, scientists have developed a way to locate body fat from inside the body – and beam it away! Using unique wi-fi technology, the newly-available FatBeamer™ “pill” – not an actual pill, but a sophisticated mechanism that can be easily swallowed and eliminated – works in the stomach and gut to identify overdeveloped fat tissue, then break it down chemically and actually beam it outside the body to a nearby fat disposal site. Working 24/7, the FatBeamer can rid your body of up to four pounds of belly fat per week. After three months, the tiny batteries in the FatBeamer run out of power and the unit is eliminated from the body like any other indigestible material. At that point, you can use another FatBeamer for even more weight loss, depending on your doctor’s recommendations. The FatBeamer is the answer to every dieter’s prayer – losing weight without dieting, exercising or weight-control medication. Order your FatBeamer today – and start losing weight all day long!

FatBeamer™ Weight-Loss Wi-Fi Pill, $129.95

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Sunday, February 26th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Beware of nomad planets!

A nomad planet may appear friendly on the surface, but watch out!

Researchers at the Kavli Institute for Particle Astrophysics and Astronomy have released a warning for everyone on Earth. Recent discoveries reveal that “nomad planets”– large planets that wander through space, unattached to any star system – are more prevalent than anyone previously thought. In fact, there may be more than 100,000 times the number originally theorized. This means that these rogue nomad planets may approach Earth at any time, and anyone on Earth may come into contact with one. When you do, warn the researchers, do not engage the planet in conversation. These nomad planets are known to be tricky and deceitful, often pretending to be hard up and homeless, the victim of the Universe’s economy. A nomad planet may try to get money from you in any number of ways, say the researchers, so guard your purse or wallet with care. When approached by a nomad planet, back away as soon as you can, and quickly warn the authorities, who will ban the planet from contact with Earth and send it on its way. Read more about the dangers of nomad planets in our book, Nomad Planets & You.

Nomad Planets & You,  319 pp., $29.95

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Saturday, February 25th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Got an air guitar? Get other air instruments!

Now you can wail on air air saxophone, air harmonica and more!

When your favorite rock song is playing, it feels great to grab your air guitar and play along with the arm-swinging rock gods. Now you can do the same with other air instruments! Thanks to the innovative advancements of Air Play Technologies, you can own and play an air saxophone, an air harmonica, air drums, an air tambourine – even a complete air piano! You probably never thought you could own one of those fabulous instruments, but now you can. Play along with Alicia Keys on piano, Bob Dylan on harmonica, The Byrds on tambourine, or Charlie Watts on drums. Your most fabulous rock fantasies can now come true, any time you want! Order your favorite air instrument today – and rock on!

Air Harmonica, $6.99, Air Tambourine, $4.99, Air Drums, $9.99, Air Saxophone, $8.99, Air Piano, $19.99

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Friday, February 24th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

You’re in luck! Introducing the first online lucky charm!

Imagine the luck you'd have with the blue 45-carat Hope Diamond as your virtual lucky charm!

You know the benefits of carrying a lucky charm like a rabbit’s foot, four-leaf clover or special coin. It maximizes your luck, giving you all sorts of advantages during the day – like getting a great parking spot, finding a twenty-dollar bill on the sidewalk, or winning an Academy Award. Imagine getting all those great benefits, without having to actually carry your lucky charm! Now you can, with a virtual lucky charm on! Sign up, pay your first month’s fee, and choose your online lucky charm from among hundreds. Pick a rabbit’s foot, a horseshoe, a twenty-dollar gold piece, a four-leaf clover, a five-leaf clover, a piece of the True Cross, a lock of hair from a lucky person like Donald Trump, Hugh Hefner, or Newt Gingrich, or something you’d never ordinarily have, like the Hope Diamond. You won’t have to carry it, so it can be anything you want. When you pick your personal charm, it’s registered to you personally, and begins working for you, delivering all the luck you need. Your online lucky charm will work for you no matter where you go or what you do… and if you want to see it, just log on to and enter your ID number. That’s all there is to it – and your life will be changed for the better! Get your personal online lucky charm today!

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Thursday, February 23rd, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Now – “heal” electric appliances with acupressure!

Here are the healing points and energy meridians of a typical dishwasher.

Instead of calling in a repairman for a malfunctioning dishwasher, refrigerator, washing machine or other electric appliance, now you can use the ancient art of acupressure on it! New discoveries in acupressure – pressing down on key healing points of the human body to stimulate the natural self-curative abilities and increase beneficial energy flow – have proven that anything electrical has the same energy meridians and healing points. This means that if you know the healing points of your dishwasher, say, you can actually press these points to stimulate and rejuvenate the electrical flow and cause “healing” to occur. This avoids expensive invasive repair surgery, and produces a feeling of well-being in your appliance, which can result in a longer service life. Appliance acupressure can save you hundreds – if not thousands – of dollars over the years. And with this valuable knowledge of electric healing points, you can start a second job – not as a repair person, but an appliance healer. Start now to learn the healing points on your major appliances, and you’ll have a happier – and healthier – house! Send for our book Appliance Acupressure – The Repair of the Future.

Appliance Acupressure – The Repair of the Future, 399 pp., with color charts of healing points and meridians of all major household appliances, $49.95

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Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Newest military weapon – the super boomerang!

Thrown by an expert, the Super Boomerang can travel half a mile, kill an enemy, and return!

For years, the U.S. military has employed unmanned aircraft called drones – such as the one called Predator – to identify and attack enemies. While each Predator can be built for much less than a fighter plane, it’s still expensive, costing millions of dollars. Cutbacks in military budgets have forced engineers to develop more cost-effective weapons, and now they’ve created the cheapest one yet: the Super Boomerang. Based on the latest solar and computer-controlled wing technology, the Super Boomerang is only slightly larger than a traditional boomerang, but features a sharp metal leading edge and an array of solar panels on the top. These efficient solar panels convert the sun’s rays to electricity, powering and controlling the Super Boomerang’s flight. In the air, the upper surface of the Super Boomerang is warmed, allowing the convection air currents to flow more efficiently over the wing’s surface. In addition, tiny sensors detect the direction of the craft, and small electric motors subtly deform the wing’s surface to enable the Super Boomerang to remain aloft for up to 15 minutes. Initially thrown by a specially-trained expert sniper, the Super Boomerang travels for up to half a mile, strikes its target with its sharp metal wing edge, and returns to the thrower six or seven minutes later. Thus the Super Boomerang is stealthy, effective, and can be reused many times. Plus each one costs only $1,550 to build, making it the most cost-effective weapon ever. Find out more about the military’s newest weapon in our book, The Cheapest Deadly Weapon: The Super Boomerang.

The Cheapest Deadly Weapon: The Super Boomerang, 429 pp., $39.95

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Tuesday, February 21st, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

No time to spare? Take a vicarious vacation!

Imagine being able to log in and see this real-time view from a condo in Kauai, Hawaii!

These days, you’re probably too busy or too cash-strapped – or both – to take a long, expensive vacation. But thanks to modern technology, you can have the next best thing – all the sights, sounds and experiences of a luxury vacation, without the expenses of actually going there! Tagalong Vacations™ introduces the vicarious vacation, which takes advantage of advanced streaming video and Internet technology to allow you to see what’s happening right now in a beautiful, exotic vacation spot. Tagalong Vacations gives tiny strap-on video cameras to tourists who are actually going on a great vacation, such as Europe, the Far East, South America or a tropical island. The camera is strapped on, and transmits whatever the vacationer sees and hears to the Tagalong Vacations site. All you do is sign up, pay a fee, and you can log in to the vacation video stream anytime, from anywhere, and feel like you’re on vacation yourself! Imagine having a few minutes’ downtime at work, and logging in to a fabulous view from a cruise ship in the Mediterranean! Or a bazaar in Tripoli, a mosque in Istanbul, a rainforest in Brazil, even spectacular view from a hang-glider in Colorado! Sign up today to go on a Tagalong Vacation – and take time off when you can’t afford to take time off!

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Monday, February 20th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Get printouts immediately with an InstaPrinter™!

With the InstaPrinter, you can get your printout immediately after finishing your document!

Today’s printers have many problems – their ink is expensive and they often run out of it, they clog, they smear, and they take a long time to print long documents. And if the power ever goes out, your printer simply won’t work. Now, thanks to the innovators at Luddite Industries, there’s a printer with none of those problems! The amazing new InstaPrinter gives you a printout of your work the instant you finish! You won’t even have to wait half a second. Type the last period of a document – no matter how long it is – and immediately remove the printout from the printer. The InstaPrinter ink doesn’t come in a cartridge that can clog. Instead, it’s on special non-clogging “ribbons” that last for years – and don’t cost a fortune. If the InstaPrinter ever jams, simply push the type bars back down and proceed. And the print from the IntaPrinter won’t smear. In addition, the InstaPrinter requires no electricity – so if the power goes out, you can keep working! If you’re often in a hurry and need your printout immediately, or if your workplace printer often has a long queue, consider the InstaPrinter. You’ll get more work done faster.

InstaPrinter, $299.95

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Sunday, February 19th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

The newest sport – long-distance bowling!

With the advancements is bowling ball technology, you can bowl outside – as far as you want!

If you love the challenge of bowling, but don’t like to be cooped up indoors, you’re in luck! Thanks to advancements in bowling ball science, it’s now possible to bowl outdoors. Special new bowling balls utilize modern materials, and are designed to be rugged enough to be used anywhere – on concrete sidewalks, on highways, even on gravel – without pitting or chipping. These new outdoor bowling balls allow for the expansion of the game of bowling. Since you’re no longer confined to an indoor alley of a fixed length, you can bowl farther than ever before. In fact, because of this ability, the sport of long-distance bowling has sprung up. Marathon Bowling can be over a distance of twenty miles, with the players rolling the ball again and again as far as they can along a road. Like golf, you roll your ball from where you find it, and the winner is the one who knocks over the most pins at the end of the course using the fewest rolls. Marathon Bowling makes the sport of bowling a more healthy activity. Learn more about Marathon Bowling in our book Win at Long-Distance Bowling!

Win at Long-Distance Bowling!, 311 pp., $39.95

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Saturday, February 18th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Retire in safety and security – at beautiful Alcatraz Place!

Looking for maximum retirement security? Check out Alcatraz Place!

If security is your main concern when you retire, consider the only retirement community located in a former maximum security prison – historic Alcatraz Place! Here you’ll have all the benefits of a luxurious hotel – quiet room, spacious bathing area, exercise facility, game room, expansive dining room, woodworking room, license plate stamping room, and beautifully kept courtyard – plus the benefits of being totally away from everything on an island in the middle of gorgeous San Francisco Bay! It’s a retirement like you never dreamed of. You’ll be able to live comfortably and peacefully, with no worries about being bothered by anyone. You won’t believe how quiet and tranquil it can be so close to a major city, yet shopping and sightseeing in colorful San Francisco and beyond are convenient, with monthly boat trips to the mainland. Visitors are allowed once a week, and you can make a phone call from the central office once a day. If retiring safely is at the top of your to-do list, check out ultra-secure Alcatraz Place today! Send for our free descriptive brochure.

Alcatraz Place – The Safe Place to Retire

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Wednesday, February 15th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Paint your trash – and sell it as art!

This old doll was found in the trash and spray-painted – and is now worth $450,000!

These days, art made from found objects is becoming more and more popular – and more and more valuable. Artists take interesting things they’ve found, decorate or embellish them, and mount them, creating instant artwork. They take a rusty piece of metal, an old baseball glove, a couple of combs, or an old toilet, call it art, and sell it for millions of dollars. You can do the same, even if you have no artistic talent, because you have things that are just as interesting – in your trash! Simply go to your trash, pick out an object, spray paint it a wild color or two, maybe add another couple pieces of trash, mount the whole thing on a stand, and voila! A valuable piece of art that could be worth hundreds or thousands of dollars! Make a few in the same way, take them to a gallery, and you could be well on your way to a comfortable retirement! Start today to become an internationally-known millionaire artist, and clean out your basement and garage at the same time! Find out how by ordering our book Paint Your Trash – And Clean Up!

Paint Your Trash – And Clean Up!, 376 pp., $49.95

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Monday, February 13th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

End home repair injuries with Safety Tools™!

Now you can do all your home repairs without injuring yourself!

If you’ve ever cut your finger with a saw or hit your thumb with a hammer while making simple home repairs, you’ll appreciate a new product line just introduced by Morron Industries, just in time for home fix-up season. Safety Tools™ are household tools made with no sharp edges, dangerous points or hard surfaces, aimed at reducing the number of home repair injuries. A complete set of Safety Tools includes a carbon-fiber Safety Saw with rounded teeth, a cushioned Safety Hammer, Safety Drill with twelve carbon-fiber Safety Drill bits, a blunt Safety Awl, Safety Pliers, Safety Wrenches, six Safety Screwdrivers with protected tips, and more. To prevent misplacement of tools while working, all Safety Tools feature a nylon tether that attaches to the worker’s wrist. Also available is a Safety Stepladder that is completely enclosed and padded to prevent falls. Safety Tools are just as effective and efficient as regular tools, but are completely safe to use, even by homeowners who are all thumbs. Get a set of Safety Tools today, and make all your home repairs without needing medical attention.

Complete set of Safety Tools, $139.95

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Sunday, February 12th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Save time and effort with Official Elbow Grease!

Official Elbow Grease makes tough jobs easy!

You’ve heard it for years – to accomplish a difficult task, just apply a little elbow grease. But up until now, actual elbow grease was hard to find, so you had to work harder than necessary. Now you can buy Official Elbow Grease, and get things done faster and with less effort. Use Official Elbow Grease on all household tasks, all car repairs, all home and yard maintenance – any job at all that requires physical effort. You’ll find yourself speeding through jobs that used to take hours – in minutes! Official Elbow Grease comes in various sizes, depending on how much you want to get done. Official Elbow Grease is easy to apply, and cleans up in no time. Keep a pint size can around the house for general use, or get the gallon size for big, tough jobs. Start saving time and effort around the house – or on the job – with Official Elbow Grease!

Official Elbow Grease, $5.95/pint, $24.95/gallon

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Saturday, February 11th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

An industrial horoscope can help your product succeed!

Industrial astrology has helped Windex become the leading glass cleaner!

New advances by astrology scientists have determined that horoscopes are not just for people – they can be drawn for commercial or industrial products as well. After all, products are “born” on a certain date – the first day they are manufactured. This information, combined with the location of the first appearance and the positions of the stars and planets on that date, can be used by an industrial astrologer to determine the product’s sign – and horoscope. If you manufacture any kind of product, wouldn’t it help your sales and marketing if you knew that next month was an excellent time for your product to expand its horizons? Or, conversely, that it was not a good time to enter into an arrangement with a related product? Using valuable information like this could be the catalyst for your product’s success. Industrial astrology could help your product ultimately take over its category, with minimal risk to your bottom line. Send for our book Using Industrial Astrology in the Commercial World today.

Using Industrial Astrology in the Commercial World, 587 pp., $69.95

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Friday, February 10th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Read the Madison Avenue Bible!

Appropriate product placements in the Madison Avenue Bible will keep the stories more relevant!

The cash-strapped Catholic Church has taken notice of the tremendous amount of money being spent by advertisers placing their products in movies and on TV shows. Now they’ve agreed to modify the best-selling book ever written – the Holy Bible – to allow for the paid placement of commercial products in both the Old and New Testaments. Products must be vetted by the Church and be deemed suitable for use in the Bible. Costs for advertisers range from the low $10,000’s for placement in an obscure book of the Bible, or for a casual mention, such as someone wearing a yellow taffeta and lace Yves St. Laurent gown at a wedding, to upwards of $1 million for high-profile scenes, such as Moses carrying the Ten Commandments on an iPad, or Jesus turning water into Diet Coke. Being considered for inclusion in the miracle of the feeding of the 5,000 are Pepperidge Farm Cinnamon Mini-Loaves and new Gorton’s of Gloucester Fish Stick Snacks. The new Madison Avenue Bible will be published later this year, and is available for pre-order now. New editions will be issued yearly, with new products being included, keeping the stories fresh and relevant to today’s readers. Order yours today.

The Madison Avenue Bible, 2012 Edition, $29.95

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Thursday, February 9th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Learn panhandling – your financial safety net!

Make panhandling your financial fallback position, and you'll be glad you did!

In this economy, you never know what’s going to happen. That’s why financial experts recommend you have a backup plan ready in case the unexpected strikes – unemployment, market meltdown, bank failure, tsunami, loss of favorite parking spot, whatever. You need an alternate means of making money when all else fails –  and keep those skills up-to-date. Many people today are learning panhandling, an excellent way to get cash on a moment’s notice. Panhandlers are no longer the lazy homeless bums they were back in the day. Now they’re respected professionals, practicing a skill that takes months to learn and years to master. Passersby are proud to donate money to the practitioners of panhandling, knowing they’re helping keep the tradition alive. When you’re a panhandler, with the right look on your face, your dog at your feet, and your cleverly-worded sign held in the right position, you’ll be able to get money anytime, anywhere, among anyone. You can learn panhandling quickly with our book Professional Panhandling Made Easy. When you’ve mastered panhandling, you’ll have a skill that may come in very handy at any time.

Professional Panhandling Made Easy, 522 pp., $49.95

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Wednesday, February 8th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

Gasoline-powered roller skates get 120 miles per gallon!

PowerSkates make commuting fun – while saving energy!

The key to achieving low fuel consumption in motorized gas-powered vehicles is to reduce weight. The lighter the vehicle, the farther it can go on a gallon of gas. With that in mind, scientists have developed what may be the lightest vehicle yet – roller skates! The new inline PowerSkates utilize a small gasoline engine in each skate to power the skater without any effort on his or her part – and are so efficient, they can actually go 120 miles on a gallon of gas. Think how much money you could save on commuting, or trips to the store – and how much fun ordinary traveling could be with PowerSkates. PowerSkates can reach a speed of up to 30 miles per hour, so you could weave in and out of rush-hour traffic jams, getting to work or home faster than ever before. You’ll be saving time, money, and the environment when you use PowerSkates as your primary vehicle. You’ll be saving even the environment even more when you use your PowerSkates and a special PowerTowLine to pull other people on ordinary skates along with you. It’s a new concept called skate-pooling, and, if practiced by everyone in the country, could save billions of dollars in energy costs in the first three months alone. Order your PowerSkates today – and help our country maximize its energy resources.

PowerSkates, size S, M, or L, $399.95

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Tuesday, February 7th, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

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February 2012
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